Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20, ESV
What happens when waiting on God hurts?
What happens when the “in-between” moments of our lives feel like they are filled with more problems than promises?
It took me a long time to see the “in-between” as a place marked by God’s faithfulness. My heart has often wanted to protest the “in-between” and use it as evidence that God hadn’t fulfilled His promises or done what I thought He would.
“God, have you forgotten me here in my waiting?” Can you relate to that at all?
There is someone in Scripture who knows what it’s like when waiting on God hurts – Her name is Hannah.
In 1 Samuel 1, we meet a weary Hannah who was very much living in the “in-between”. Grief and heartbreak included. All she wanted was a son, but she was barren. Not only that, but her husband’s second wife was able to give him kids that Hannah could not.
Adding insult to injury, her husband’s second wife, Peninnah, would constantly provoke her to the point of tears and being so upset that she wouldn’t eat.
This went on for years (vs. 7). This wasn’t a one-time thing that briefly hurt Hannah’s heart. It was a wound that deepened year by year as she got a front row seat to someone else walking in the dream she so deeply desired for herself.
Does this feel familiar at all? It definitely does for me.
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The thing I want to focus on today from Hannah’s story is how we posture ourselves in the middle of the painful “in-between”.
Starting in verse 9, “9 After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. 10 She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. 11 And she vowed a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head.”
12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. 14 And Eli said to her, “How long will you go on being drunk? Put your wine away from you.” 15 But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. 16 Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation.”
Instead of withdrawing into the brokenness of her own heart, even though she was deeply distressed, Hannah rose and prayed to the Lord.
Not only did she simply pray a prayer to the Lord, but she poured out her heart so fervently to the Lord that Eli thought she was drunk. “I am a woman troubled in spirit…I have been pouring our my soul before the Lord”.
Hannah postured herself to wait on the Lord. She made the decision to meet with Him, pour out her heart instead of bottle up the pain, and fervently sought the Lord.
I think this is so powerful because at some point, we have to decide where we are going to focus our hearts when waiting on the lord hurts.
Earlier this week, my friend Renee said, “So often, we focus on waiting on the thing we desire for our lives instead of waiting on God and trusting in His promises”.
And truth be told, that hit somewhere deep in my spirit because I knew my heart was postured to wait on the thing I desired instead of waiting on the Lord to fulfill His promises.
When we are able to make this shift in our perspective, we are able to see the waiting seasons as extensions of His faithfulness – even when waiting on God hurts.
Because He holds us in the “in-between”.
He sustains us in the “in-between”.
He pursues us in the “in-between”.
Jesus protects us in the “in-between”.
He fights for us in the “in-between”
He restores us in the “in-between”.
Even the waiting and barren seasons are holy ground where God is still working and moving.
Hannah didn’t numb out or attempt to hide her anxiety and frustration from God.
She came and laid it all down and trusted in the character and heart of God to fulfill His promises.
Reflect
- What does the story of Hannah teach you about the character and heart of God?
- What have you been waiting on?
- How do you currently deal with the pain of the “in-between”?
For deeper study
Prayer
Father God,
I as that you meet me here in my waiting. You see my heart. You see my struggle. Lord, you see how deeply I long to be living out my dream. I bring my heart before you and I ask that you help me not bottle up my pain or attempt to numb out my pain. But let me come before your throne and find healing for my heart in your tenderness, in your love, and your promises. You are good even when my circumstances are not and I trust in your promises.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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