When Showing Up In Obedience Is Painful

a She Chose HOpe Story by Monet Carpenter

To read the additional stories in the She Chose Hope series, click here.

Obedience is one of those topics that faithful followers of Jesus want to lean into, but it feels relatively subjective and unearths a whole lotta baggage we aren’t sure how to handle.

I remember a time in my life when following in the steps of Jesus felt easy, blissful and full of security and knowing (not of the future, but of Him and his goodness and faithfulness over me).

But today, I’m not that young girl anymore.

Life has thrown some unexpected and messy curve balls my way, and as I’ve grown into a woman with even deeper roots in Him, I still find myself wrestling with the reality that when we show up in obedience to Christ—to serve others, endure hardship, offer grace (the hardest being, to ourselves) and love others well, there will be a sacrifice on our end.

If that’s you today, wading through the sacrifice and suffering of obedience, I’d like to offer both our hearts a bit of hope that we tend to withhold from ourselves:

Our obedience has less to do with us and everything to do with what He cultivates within us.

Obedience requires us to be rooted in Christ

At the end of 2019, my husband and I made the very difficult decision to change the direction of our lives for a season. And honestly, it wasn’t really our choice, but a reality we had to face after a previous season of loss and transition painted a picture for our lives that we wouldn’t have imagined for ourselves.

Now, with another new and hard season upon us, I felt like I was again walking on the tightrope of obedience and grief. 

In wisdom, prayer and with community support, we pivoted our lives and I left our kiddos home with my husband and went back to work full time to care for other people’s loved ones as a Critical Care Registered Nurse, specializing in cardiac patients.

Little did we know, a global pandemic would ensue 12 weeks after me being back to work.

In less time than I had to grieve that transition, I quickly became one of the very fortunate to have a job, that also just so happened to have the highest rate of criticism, outside opinion, and overall distrust thrown their way, alongside many other unseen and unheard colleagues.

The new norms for our lives were felt ten-fold as we tried to manage the life of our family, changes for our children, community unrest, and strains in our marriage.

Looking back, I know I did not feel the presence of God through the trauma of so much loss and change. But for some crazy reason, I also knew there was no alternative to not waking up and walking faithfully forward amidst the thick fog.

When we choose to root ourselves in Christ, the odds of consistently feeling Him in the suffering is nil, but the truth of His steadfast strength in and through us is undeniable.

John 15:1-4 explains this truth like this:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes  so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

John 15:1-4, NiV

Our perpetual acts of outward obedience are actually the result of an inward growing and pruning that has little to do with us, but everything to do with His sovereign nourishment and growing of us.

When suffering is great, yet obedience remains, we can credit the Father with our growth, resilience and persistence to keep showing up even when it doesn’t make sense.

As He bears and prunes our fruit, we become fruitful daughters of perseverance, endurance, and ultimately, a beautiful reflection of His purposed glory.

Obedience allows Him to rejoice over us

I’ll be the first to admit it, I did not like my season of working outside the home. 

I was brokenhearted, and as such, there were many tears, uncertain timeframes, doubts about my future, and who I was as a person, as a woman formed by her Creator.

I wrestled through these questions with my husband and trusted some dear friends to help me carry the weight of my sadness, all while continuing to show up and do the work set before me.

I don’t think I knew it at the time, but God was helping me to more intimately understand what it truly meant to follow in the footsteps of my Savior.

Instead of disregarding my grief in that season, I attuned my heart to hear His encouragement over me, that He was more than pleased with me in my trying, not my striving or fixing.

When we choose hope despite seasons of suffering, we have to understand that it’s not about us being perfect, prepared or even close to okay with the situation.

Instead, hope is always about the act of showing up. And we have hope because He’s always shown up for us!

In the midst of our grief or cruelties this world is so good at offering to us, how can we attune our hearts to be filled with the praise He’s speaking over us just because of our willingness to remain in Him?

It might look like:

• Doing the dishes after a 14 hour shift and hearing, “My well never runs dry.”
• Reading His word with a broken body and hearing, “You are whole in me.”
• Showing up in community to listen when your time is scarce and hearing, “I give strength to the weary.”
• Laboring for a family who’s too young to see your sacrifices and hearing, “I see you.”
• Doing your best with what you have when the budget is thinner than thin and hearing, “I will never forsake you.”
• Raising your hands in worship when the tears won’t stop flowing and hearing, “I am pleased with your prayers of praise.”

Dear one, our obedience in Christ is just a mirror image of His obedience to death on a cross.

But because of it, we can choose obedience despite brokenness as we live free, seen and purposed to bear His image today!

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