A She Chose Hope Story by Pam Luschei
I checked the weather this morning and there’s a storm coming later today The weather report tells me exactly what time the rain will arrive. Knowing when the weather changes helps us prepare and get ready. What happens when a storm comes without warning? What if you didn’t get the memo or the update?
Four years ago my personal storm arrived unexpectedly.
My husband and I had just returned from a missions trip to Costa Rica. We spent 10 days in the mountains of this beautiful country serving pastors and churches with a team of 7 other people. I had slept on the floor a few nights while we were there and was glad to sleep in my own bed after the long flight home.
The next morning my husband and I were unpacking and reflecting on the trip. I stepped out of the room and came back in to find my husband having difficulty breathing. I called out his name and when he didn’t respond, I cried out to Jesus and called 911.
The ambulance arrived shortly and transported him to the hospital.
I had called my two adult children and we met at the hospital. As we entered the ER, we were taken to the room where the doctor and nurses were still trying to revive my husband. The doctor said that they did all they could. My husband had died. I was completely dumbfounded. How could it be? We were just talking. We were going to go to lunch. This can’t be happening.
The ground opened up and I fell into an abyss of grief, sorrow, despair, and pain. Would I ever get out? How would I find a way through the sorrow and grief? Where was the hope?
Related:
- Choosing Hope When Hope Doesn’t Make Sense
- Holding to the Peace of God that Passes all Understanding
- When Showing Up In Obedience Is Painful
In the past 4 years, I’ve been on a quest to discover what hope looks like.
How can you describe something that is hard to define? Where can we find hope in the experiences we find ourselves in?
I had to run to Scripture and look for my hope. The first place I looked was in the Psalms of lament. In Mark Vroegop’s book, “Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy” he writes, “Lament dares to hope when life is hard.”
It felt like I stood at a broken bridge that dared me to cross. My hope was in taking the next step across the bridge. I had to take one step at a time to gain my footing again and find hope in the midst of losing my husband.
In Job 17:15, (CSB) we find the words of Job asking the questions, “where then is my hope? Who can see any hope for me?”. Job was looking for hope.
The Psalmist describes his quest for hope in Psalm 42 (CSB) when he says to, “Put your hope in God.” in verse 5 and again in verse 11.
I was faced with a new reality of life without my husband.
I had to put my hope in God and only God. I had no resources to survive on my own. Each morning I would get my coffee and look for a verse in God’s word that described my pain. I found comfort and reassurance in the Psalms of lament.
I returned again and again to Lamentations chapter 3. Jeremiah is describing the destruction and desolation of Jerusalem. All he sees is what’s left; brokenness, grief, and sorrow. I’m the first two chapters he laments and cries out to God, describing the horrific scenes, then in chapter 3, verses 21-24,(CSB) he declares, “Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness! I say, The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in him.”
Hope has a place. Hope can be found. Hope can sustain us in our darkest days. Hope emerges while we are still in the storms.
As I continue to move forward in my life after the loss of my husband, I’ve found hope to be like a dimmer switch. Gradually, slowly, little by little I find hope as I trust God for everything. My dependence on God is daily and deliberate, and sometimes desperate. My early prayers were sighs, tears, and groans, with some words scattered throughout. In the days since my husband died, I’ve discovered God is unfailingly faithful. His Word is oxygen to my soul and spirit, supplying strength and sustaining me each day.
There will be times in life when we don’t get the memo or update that our lives will change. Being human is hard.
There’s hope beyond hope.
We can be sure of our hope as Hebrews 6:19 (CSB) says, “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”About the Author
About the Author
Pam can be found hiking in a national park with her two adult children. She is a widow, but not alone. She has been a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for over 25 years. In addition, she has taught women for over 15 years where she offers insight and wisdom from God’s Word to help them grow into deeper intimacy with God. She can be found on her website, www.gratefulyetgrieving.org or on Instagram .
