This week, I was laying in my bed post-seizure, my body still recovering from my episode and my cheeks still drying from the few tears that escaped down my face. As I laid there staring up at the ceiling darkened by nightfall, I had a thought. It was, “I don’t feel victorious right now”.
I had made it a new year’s resolution to keep track of every episode in a log. As I followed through on the familiar habit of opening the notes app on my phone and I saw the new total as I added in the new date, that same phrase lingered – I don’t feel victorious right now.
I mean, what is the point of victorious Christian living if we don’t feel victorious?
As I sifted through these lingering thoughts, I was reminded of a few truths from a devotional that I read. In it, she wrote that
“Before any miracle becomes a miracle, it is a complete and utter tragedy…we want a miracle without a tragedy. We want God to come through for us when we aren’t willing to even believe he can intervene. We want the resurrection without the crucifixion”.
– Tara Bradham, From Chronic Pain to Constant Praise (The Bible App)
Do you know those few phrases that stick with you throughout your lifetime? I believe that “we want the resurrection without the crucifixion” is one of those phrases for me. Whenever I read this, it reached down and took deep roots in my heart. Because honestly, it was true for me. I was saying that I didn’t feel very victorious in my struggle, but what I was really meaning was, “Lord, why has my struggle been so long? Why do I have to struggle at all?”.
And in light of Tera Bradham’s beautiful quote, it almost feels so arrogant to think that I could have my own resurrections (miracles) without individual crucifixions in my life.
Jesus’ literal crucifixion and resurrection are the foundation of our victory; of our hope. We have eternal life and fellowship with God. We have victory over sin because of the complete and utter tragedy that was the torture and murder of our King.
Related: 7 Verses About Our Victory In Christ
But His death made way for God to move in only a way that He could by raising Jesus from the dead. With His resurrection, the resurrection of our own spiritual deaths is now possible. The punishment for sin is death, but in Jesus Christ, there is eternal life.
As we move throughout life as redeemed children of God marked by the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, we experience many more metaphorical crucifixions. Circumstances that break us apart, shatter our souls, weaken our bodies, and break our hearts. The type of things that don’t give us warm fuzzy feelings; let alone feelings of victory. But Jesus’ example reminds us that resurrection is on the other side of crucifixion for those of us who are in Christ.
Our deepest pain can be the largest stage for God to show up and do what only He can do.
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead”.
Philippians 3:8-11, ESV
Here, I believe Paul is saying something so profound. If we want to know the power of His resurrection, we must become like Him in His death.
In other words, if we want to see God show up and do the miraculous in our life, we have to be willing to go through deep suffering and pain and believe He will fulfill his promises.
This isn’t to say that God will not bless, show favor, or allow you to live with happiness and joy. Because God does all those things and wants all those things for you. Blessing, favor, and joy are all great.
But what this is saying is that if you want to experience the weight of the power that had the ability to resurrect Jesus from literal death and simultaneous provide an avenue for us to have a new life of freedom from sin’s consequences; if we want to see God do the miraculous…the miraculous doesn’t happen when we’re comfortable. The miraculous happens on the other side of something we have no ability to fix.
What an honor that we are given opportunities in life to experience the power that brought Jesus back to life.
What an honor to be given moments in life that can only be touched, healed, and redeemed by God. In them, we get to see God move and get to know Him more deeply and intimately than at any other time.
So if you are going through deep waters today and it feels like you could be overcome by the waves at any moment, I want you to take a moment to see this as an opportunity for God to show up mightily. When you do, it’s okay for that to look like a million tears, a million questions, trembling hands, and broken hearts that struggle to trust. God can lovingly handle all those things. But victory is coming because resurrection has already happened.
And the wonderful thing about God is that He is willing and able to do it over and over again; even in your own life.
If you are here today and need prayer for anything at all, fill out this form here. You are not alone, my dear friend.
